A tall tale about Tiko

Told by Mewda, the oldest woman in the village. Tiko is allowed to spend the nights at her hous. She pretends to be grumpy and short tempered, but enjoys telling tall stories to children.

Now listen up, because I won't say it twice. Tiko is as much a liar as any other beggar with a squirrel. I remember, when I was young but more than twice your ages added up, that Tiko was as much a name to be feared as Durgrimmor. He was a mighty fiend, a sorcerer of sorts who traveled through the country promising not to burn down villages in exchange for some food. He marched the length and breadth of this country, taking hand outs and occasionally burning down a house, just to make a point you see. Well once, this man Tiko was walking along way up north, near the edge of the world, I understand, when he saw a dreadful thing. A mighty dragon, which is a big old lizard with its bloodfire all up in a fervor, was eating a whole ox. It looked up at Tiko and blew a smoke ring from its nostril at him. Now Tiko was a bit annoyed about all this, and he called out to the dragon,
"Now see here, I don't take that from any man, beast, or plant. Get down and apologize, or you won't know what hit you."
Now the dragon was just about the biggest thing it knew about, and this man standing there seemed rather small to be making such a fuss, so it looked down at him and asked,
"So, small person, usually I don't like to be interrupted while I'm eating, and it is rude to speak with my mouth full, so why don't you come again in a couple of months, and I will settle this with you in the proper fashion."
Tiko saw that this lizard didn't think much of him, but he felt that he had better stand up for himself and be assertive.
"Dragon, I'll have you know that I am the most feared of any human living. Entire armies have hidden rather than see me get mad at them, so I would suggest you apologize immediately."
The dragon looked down again at this man, and considered eating him, but then part of the ox would have to go to waste, and arrogance gave the dragon stomach cramps, so he said to Tiko,
"Tell you what. Let us have a contest. You conjure up the biggest flame you can, if I can't make a bigger one, you win and I will apologize. If you lose, I will eat you. How does that sound?"
Tiko thought that sounded terrible. He really had no desire to be eaten, and when the dragon put it that way, the apology seemed a bit worthless. But he feared that if he backed down to this dragon, word would leak out, and he would be ridiculed and likely starve. So he said,
"Dragon, you don't know what you're in for."
Tiko grimaced, he smacked his wrists together and said funny words, he danced in a circle then began to bob his head up and down. He could feel the flame building in his blood. He cracked one eye open and saw the dragon sitting there watching with a slightly amused expression on its face and a hunk of ox leg in its mouth. Tiko jumped up and down, shook his head, grunted and groaned. He could hardly hold the flame in, it was so big. He cracked the other eye open and saw the dragon rearranging its legs and tail to get more comfortable. Tiko yelled the biggest words he knew, and some he didn't know, rocked on his heels, then he let the flame go. It leapt up from the ground in front of him, as tall a flame as he had ever seen, he turned to look at the dragon. The dragon stuck out one paw and ground out the flame, then it said,
"My turn."
Well, Tiko just ran. He didn't look behind him for a day and a half for fear the dragon was chasing him. When he finally stopped, he decided he should hide from the dragon and its relatives, so he wandered for a while in the woods, and found a friend in a squirrel. He taught the squirrel to attack any lizard or snake it saw. Tiko then decided to pretend to find a village where he could pretend to be blind and hide for a while. When he came to this one, he decided to stay.
Now you understand this story has a lot to teach you. No matter how good you are at something, there will probably be someone better than you. It also doesn't help often to be proud, and always say "pardon me" when you meet a dragon."



Author's note. Dragons, while being present in the far north are very rarely seen. They are fairly level headed creatures, opposed to needless violence, and primarily eat oxen, between three and five every year. Contrary to popular belief, they do not hoard gold, they simply live where it is abundant. They used to trade gold for oxen, but when they saw how people behaved around the gold, they stopped trading and raised their own oxen. Dragons have become more and more scarce, and modern scholars say that the chances of meeting a dragon are about the same as meeting Crazy Mert who lives in the lowest cellar of the institution for the criminally insane. You would have to be in a bad place and more than a little crazy yourself. Also, bloodfire is a kind of magic.